Friday, February 13, 2009

How Do You Measure Up?

Thought we could all do with a little chuckle as this horrific week comes to an end.


Here are some cards that I've been working on.


I've had lots of fun over a wine or two coming up with the captions.


And it got me thinking about the surreal world of the 1950s housewife that my imagination has built up.

I'm sure it bears little resemblance to the reality.


But I did come upon this little tidbit supposedly taken from an economics class text book on tips for a houswife of this era. How do you measure up to these?
  1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
  2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
  3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
  4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
  5. During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
  6. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
  7. Be happy to see him.
  8. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
  9. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
  10. Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
  11. Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
  12. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
  13. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
  14. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
  15. A good wife always knows her place.

Feel free to download any of these pics! The original graphics are copyright free and I'm happy for you to use my text! Just right click on the pic and save to...

35 comments:

Lisa said...

was this on planet earth ?? Oh my god, what a scream- i should drag Hubby up to have a read- its hysterical !!
The captions are so funny too- espeically the pill and lie down - YES i can realte !

ButtonsByLouLou said...

Love the cards and captions. I think I have read that housewife guidance before - very useful!

lyptis said...

Very funny Chrisy! Love the funny postcards and ur captions!

The How-to-be-a -good-housewife is made in Hell and EVIL!!!!>:D

Hey Harriet said...

The cards are brilliant!

As for that Home Economics text book...I'm speechless... It had to be a guy that wrote that? Surely not a woman! If it was a guy, then it's at least funny. If it was a woman it's downright scary!

Cherry Tree Lane said...

Is it horrible to say that I love these little tips? I think some of them are fun!

Michelle said...

"Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him."

SNORT

ahem

Love the post cards!

My grandmother had a cook book with a recipe in it for how to cook turkey. It began with

"Select your bird and pluck it......"

Loving the 21st century indeed

xx

chebang said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chebang said...

i loved this post so much i posted an entry about it with my own version of the housewife tips. thought you might want to check it out when you've got time.

Bird Bath said...

oh thanks for the tips...now I can work on becoming a perfect hausfrau :) because there's always room for improvement eh? they are seriously funny.

And those cards are seriously excellent!! I adore all that retro goodness...and then coupled with your captions - splendid.

REread said...

yes ... whew, good thing i can tick all those boxes! I am a darn good housewife. I think I have the same book ... 'The Young Homemaker'

Here's a tip on constipation
"Why be constipated? There's no need to be.
All you have to do is:
1. Drink plenty of water
2. Eat plenty of fruit and vegetables
3. Get plenty of exercise
4. get up early enough to go to the toitlet
properly.
Do all these things and forget constipation."

That's my problem you see i don't 'go to the toilet properly' ... i do it with a 9 piece afro Cuban band in there with me and it's usually not early.

SplendidLittleStars said...

That's awesome! I love it!
And your cards are great!
I am sending this link to friends.

Chrisy said...

Am chucklin over these comments...soo pleased to be able to contribute to 'improvement' of other 'ladies'...feel free to download any of the pics....

witchetty said...

Very funny and so nice to finish this awful week with a chuckle. Thank goodness it is no longer 1950!!

AnastasiaC said...

these are totally awesome...and the rules - how times have changed huh?
sometimes id love to keep the children quiet though...

katiecrackernuts said...

Oh if only I could get one of the children to use the vacuum.

Stace and Rob said...

I love the cards!!-stace

evie said...

Great cards! Very funny stuff!

As for the textbook piece it made me think of the MAD MEN series, which I love however I am so grateful Im not a 50's housewife.

Susan Tuttle said...

you are a trip!:)

that list -- i've seen it before -- makes me laugh and cringe equally every time.

xo

Melanie Gray Augustin said...

Love the cards and the captions. Boy, reading the housewife guide - what a terrible wife I would have been considered in those days!

nuvonova said...

Oh this is great!!

I can't believe how it used to be though, its surreal.

A Touch of Dutch said...

These are brilliant! Had a good chuckle & almost lost my tea through my nose laughing ;-)

Thanks for your comment on my blog! I'm glad I was curious enough to come check out your blog too. It's great!

Amandine said...

master of the house ...hahaha.. hilarious ! and surreal indeed.
the cards are great ! :)
Thanks for visiting my blog

Judy said...

Well you got a laugh out of me - very funny.
xo

Linda Crispell said...

Great cards.

Trashy Knitting said...

thoses are great. very funny

planettreasures said...

Hilarious!
You are right - it's good to have a bit of a giggle, and thanks for lightening the week.

littlechrissy said...

I've given you an award! Come visit my blog for details.

Sayraphim said...

Wow! They're so great... Where on earth did you find them?

My mother was given a How To Be The Perfect Housewife book for a wedding present. The only one she could remember was a tip about dinner. It said that if your husband came home and you hadn't started dinner yet, quickly chop and fry some onions. The smell would permeate through the house and he would think you were almost ready with dinner. Those who can't, fake it!

helena said...

hahahahahahahah!!!!! these cards are hilarious!

Julie said...

I definately don't measure up to that! Wow! Those cards are too funny.

Ruby-Jo said...

The cards are fabulous! I love them. I really don't measure up as a housewife though - which is a good thing in my opinion.

suzanne cabrera said...

LOVE your captions! Wow, just thinking about living by these rules make me feel a little nauseous.

Jennifer Conway said...

Oh, my poor, poor husband! If this is the ideal wife, I fail miserably! lol....Thanks for sharing your pic's. I'm just about to save one of them right now...

Lin said...

This is classic! And so funny :)

Renee said...

I didn't know you put the captions on these pictures. You genius.

I love the girl in the apron with the mother, that one is funny and sickening at the same time.

Have you ever seen my 50s housewife posts I have done 4 and am going to do the rest but they come from those questions. Hillarious.

These are fantastic I just love them and thanks for leading me here.

Love Renee xoxo