Evolving

Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already here, right now,
in relaxation and letting go.
Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do.
Whatever arises in the mind
has no importance at all,
because it has no reality whatsoever.
Don't become attached to it. Don't pass judgement.
Let the game happen on its own,
emerging and falling back - without changing anything -
and all will vanish and begin anew, without end.
Only our searching for happiness prevents us from seeing it.
It is like a rainbow which you run after without ever catching it.
Although it does not exist, it has always been there
and accompanies you every instant.
Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences;
they are like rainbows.
Wanting to grasp the ungraspable you exhaust yourself in vain.
As soon as you relax this grasping,
there is space - open, inviting and comfortable.
So make use of it. Everything is already yours.
Search no more,
Don't go into the inextricable jungle
looking for the elephant who is already quietly at home.
Nothing to do,
nothing to force,
nothing to want
and everything happens by itself.

'Happiness' by Lama Gendun Rinpoche

I am still practicing 'letting go'; every day a little ending and a little beginning. The last few months have been the most challenging yet the most rewarding of my life. Not only have I lost my Mother as physical form but after months of abuse from my Dad (who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder) I've had to let him go as well. This is a huge step for me requiring lots of honest soul searching about my own value. And in the end it was really a matter of saving my own life. Now I can feel close to Mum all the time; can 'feel' her with me. Now I can relax.